Friday, November 29, 2013

Contact Rob Drokker at: darklyastir@gmail.com
Contact Chris Nuchs at: headsplitbooking503@gmail.com



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9/14/16 - Some sikkies comn up!!!

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8/26/16 - OUT NOW SHIT!!!

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7/17/16 - Hey how the hell you little goat shits doin, just wanted to give ya an update on this last batch, should be 2 weeks...  That's about all I uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh got, yer welcome!!!

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4/30/16 - Slight delay on the tapes and they'll be here Friday, got a problem with that? take it up with these guys.
photo by Rob Fornicator

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4/23/16 - HEY YOU! yeah crowballs YOU!!! got some new stuff you might want here.  I mean... unless yer some kind of little sissy pants retreater... The tapes are in the mail, check back 4/29/16 

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3/31/16 -  Found about 7 extra Headsplit #8's that were hiding from me the little bastards.  They will now be for sale again in the magazine section.  You want more news? oh well uhhh I'm on the toilet right now and uhhh yeah YEAH!!

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3/1/16 -  Got a few promo packs up for you dumpster divers.  Always FREE shipping in the US!!!
Promo pack 1 comes with everything you see here, Magazine #8 and #9 and 6 juicy fukkin tapes. (OVER)

 
Promo pack 2 comes with everything you see here, Magazine #9 and 6 juicy fukkin tapes. (OVER)

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2/21/16 -  Well Famine Fest 3 is over.  Truly killer festival, the bands were savage and the pits were nasty.  (Whoever eyegouged our friend with both thumbs, I saw ya run off and we never forget a face,  probably gonna wake up with a wrench in your asshole soon!!!!)  Anyway, thanks for the support, enjoy the tapes, Headsplit Magazine #9's, and whatever other gold shit you bought from us. Yes, Headsplit #9 is for sale on this site, so get one now because it RULES!!!!
photo by Jesse Lanier

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2/1/16 -  Fer fukks sake it's almost been a month without updates.  The hells goin on you say!!?? Well the team has been completely immersed up to our knees in brown water that's flooding the basement, infecting all the open cuts on our legs from wrestling around with skunks that've been getting into our trash cans.  All this on top of trying to pump out this wide and steamy log of a magazine.  Issue #9 is going to make you shit! Anyway some good news, another 5 cassettes will be getting released early on the 18th of february.
WARNING:  NME, SAKRIFICER, MANGLED CORPSE, ZOLDIER NOIZ, EMBALMER WILL BE AVAILABLE ON THE 18TH OF FEBRUARY!!!!

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1/9/16 -  Figured you squirrel feces covered blogspot fans might appreciate a sneak peak at this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The 1 month countdown is on.

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12/14/15 -  Heasplit will be selling the merch for amazing prices.  $15 HEADSPLIT LONGSLEEVE SHIRTS.  $5 CD's and Casettes's, buy 4 get one free, oooohhhhh yeah... plus a bunch of essential goods for your Oregon trail winter travelings.  Or don't, ya can go ahead and eat eachother...
CODE WORD @ HEADSPLIT TABLE FOR $1 OFF YOUR PURCHASE: ELUDER

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12/6/15 - Would ya look at that, no updates since the last bundle pack? I just figured all you swamp butt bastards gave a shit about was the HOT deals for METAL and HEADSPLIT merchandise.  PLEASE LEAVE DESIRED CD'S and LS SHIRT SIZE IN PAYPAL INSTRUCTIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! if not, well who gives a donkey dick...
WARNING: XL LONGSLEEVES ARE SOLD OUT!!!!
GAME OVER

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10/20/15 - ooohh that's right, every season we spew forth another bundle pack for ya freaks.  This one pretty much gets ya a free cassette or cd, maybe something else juicy if I've recently eaten.
GAME OVER

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10/11/15 - Well Headsplit is back from a much needed vacation.  When we got back these new long sleeve HEADSPLIT armaments were delivered fresh from the plant! So now you ferocious animals can fight over them! Featuring Joe Ravager art! Get one of these 25 shirts before winter hits and you're left frozen to death in some back alley, only to get dissected by amatuer physicians. check the MERCH section to buy one NOW!!!

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9/30/15 ALRIGHT!!! It's time to announce the big news for HEADSPLIT MAGAZINE #9. We are goin FULL COLOR!!! So to you artists contributer friends. We will still take black & white from ya if color aint your thing but if you can, DO IT! It's gonna rule hard!!! Borders, center pieces, random scribbles, and any other disgusting imagery you can muster up, we'll take it!!! I want to see the red blood, that green bile, that blue frost bite. In a week or so here we will announce some bands from this issue for you to choose from, if interested message Uncle Drokker at darklyastir@gmail.com, until thennnnnnnnn.....

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9/12/15 - Okay damn, a little late getting the crap up on the site here, and by crap I mean gold crap. HELLS HEADBASH 2 was god damn ruthless, and all you fukkers gave us full support which helped us get home with  lighter loads, and I'm not talking about our feces. So thanks for that and sharing whatever illness ya had goin on over there!!!

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8/29/15 ATTENTION!!! Since Headsplit will be attending HELLS HEADBASH, the zine will not be available until SEPT 8th, along with promo and bundle packs of the new releases on THIS site.  If you turtle feces covered bastards can't wait on the tapes you can get them here:

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8/20/15 Got a little peepshow playin' out for ya, yeahhhh check out that cumming attraction -I- 2 FUKKIN WEEKS!!!


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8/9/15 Attention rotters, Uncle Drokker has been updating the gems section.  Pick any 4 CD's for 23$ FREE FUKKIN SHIPPING. For more details go to "Uncle Drokker's new and used Gems"

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8/6/15 - Feast your eyes you demonic barnacles. This next batch is likely to make you diahrrea out of your dick/vag!!!!!!!!
ohhh look what we got ourselves here...

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7/10/15 OOOOOOOHHHHHH what's up Rambo Commando MF's!?? Hope you're ready to snap some necks in the pit!!! FREE 11x17 color flier poster with any purchase at the Headsplit table, we got a fresh stack of metal cd's, cassettes, vhs, etc!!! Don't forget to bring anything you might want to sell or trade, as ACTION NIGHT has become Portland's metal flea market, hope to see ya there.

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7/7/15 - Here's some more Headsplit Hellivision, go ahead and rot your brain.

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7/1/15 Mortuus has recieved his unholy contributer bounty, we can now disengage our 666 megaton nuke, for now...

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6/9/15 - Well here it is freaks, HEADSPLIT MAGAZINE #7 SUMMER IRRUPTION!!!!!!! I'm not going to BS about how this ones bigger and better in everyway, all of you alley lurkers and bathroom dwellers who get this morbid literature already know whats coming don't you..  Sexclusive original art for every issue, interviews, articles, IMP NAZ/NOCTURNUS LIVE poster. I'm doing it again, it's hard not to, get yours delivered fresh n' steamy NOW!

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5/29/15 Uncle D is working hard finishing up mag 7, doing alotta test runs on the ol' toilet, and things are lookin gooooood.  Hey don't forget about some of these new releases, they're runnin out
 faster than I am to the porter potty every half hour!!!

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5/9/15 - Come on down or stay home and ingest all your own feces

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5/7/15 NEW HEADSPLIT SHIRTS ARE IN!!! Much thanks to James and FingerPrints Printing for the great deal and lethal quality!!! Featuring demented artwork from Smelly Elle, There will only be 20 sold online, so outta towners better jump on it! check the MERCH section for dedails...

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4/21/15 - We found a secret stash of Sakrificer cassettes set aside for food and water trade in a possible end of days scenario, but for you guys, what the hell...Also check the HSR RELEASES section for updated deals and bundle packs.

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4/2/15 - Well fuck a duck, still waiting on the new releases from the plant, guess Headsplit cassettes always gum up their printers being such filthy material.  Also we are in the process of creating a better site, that will make it easier for you slothy fuckers to navigate, buy crap, blah blah blah, I gotta go drop one, be seeing ya.

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3/21/15 - This times going to get nasty

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2/25/15 - You rat erections ready for the next HEADSPLIT batch? well it's still gonna be a month, so ol' Disgustor released this NEKRO DRUNKZ single to hold ya over.

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2/8/15 - Some of you action FREAKS might want to show up for this, there will be tons of good crap happening.  Extreme action movies on big screen, cheap and killer merch tables, Thrash and Power Metal, arm wrestling against the mighty Uncle Drokker for prizes, and much more!!!

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1/25/15 - FAMINE FEST 2 was killer holy shit!! Everything ran real smooth and all the bands crushed!!! Terrorizer last night was insane!! Be on the look out for the unrated xxx famine fest commentary cassette! Thanks to all the true bastards who came out for two days of metal hell!

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1/19/15 ATTENTION!!! Headsplit #6 is out!!! After a few tragedies at the printing plant it is highly recommended to wear a full hazmat suit (or better) before reading! You have been warned!!! These babies will be unleashed at Famine Fest 2, and to your usual pdx record joints this following week.

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1/3/15 - HEADSPLIT TV AD


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12/26/14 - Here's a sneak peep of our upcoming 2015 releases, hope your head explodes with excitement.
HORRID - S/T + STOIC MORBIDITY CASSETTE, 
CEMETERY LUST- SCREAMS OF THE VIOLATED CASSETTE, 
ARACHNID - DEMO CASSETTE, 
PROWLER - PROWLING DEATH SQUAD + UNRELEASED TRACKS CASSETTE, 
SHAH - BEWARE (Official re-issue) CASSETTE, 
INFESTER - DARKNESS UNVEILED (Official Re-issue) CASSETTE, 
FORNICATOR - S/T (Official Re-issue cassette),
THY INFERNAL - SATAN'S WRATH (Official Re-issue Cassette), 
CHURCH OF DISGUST - EP CASSETTE,
CHRONIC TOMB - DUNGEONS OF DANK CASSETTE, 
TORTURE RACK'S NEW ALBUM CASSETTE & CD
SKULLSPLITTER - SIGN OF THE BASTARD CASSETTE
BRAIN ROT - COMPLETELY INFECTED CASSETTE

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12/23/14 - Fresh off the press, check the HSR RELEASES and get your steaming hot cassettes NOW!!! 
You ready? you don't look ready...

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12/19/14 - OK DIRT BAGS! The Death Metal Comp tape is FULL!!!!!  Here are the bands confirmed:
Undergang (Denmark), Wormridden (Den/Jpn), Torture Rack, Witch Vomit, Astraes Pestis, Blaspherian, Necrot, Rude, Remains (mex), Ritual Necromancy, Sabbatory (Can), Hellsodomy (Turkey), Nekro Drunkz, Ritual Decay, Drawn And Quartered, Martyrvore, Skum Master, Church Of Disgust, Horrid, Sewercide (Australia), Sempiternal Dusk, Anatomia (Japan), Cauterized
Should be out around April.

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12/12/14 - HEY JIZZBALLS.  It's Preparation-Headsplit time.  You know the drill, but in case you forgot, here's what we need for mag #666
*Reviews of your favorite 2014 metal release
*Artwork, we will graciously except borderwork, or just anything nasty.
*Articles, rants, don't be shy we'll print almost anything!!!
*Show reviews, top 5's, top 10's of whatever
*Anything else interesting you want to see in print and distributed worldwide!!!

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11/23/14 - You primitive peckerheads ready to go APESHIT!?

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11/9/14 - Headsplit Rekords and Moribund Cult!! The two most ruthless labels In the northwest!

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11/8/14 - Alright ya shit breathing mongrels after all the complaints and general hatemail, the site is finally coming along with a better shopping cart option, go ahead and check it out if ya don't believe me, and buy something while you're at it!!!!

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11/4/14 - Now that everyones home safe from their King Diamond adventures, it's about time for the ultimate brain slicer. Prepare yourself.
M√∂rtuus recieves an unholy bounty

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 10/29/14 - Satan enjoying some Headsplit in the fog

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10/16/14 - Alotta mayhem has taken place in the last few weeks and it's time to get back on track, no idea what that means, just watch this!!!
video

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9/22/14 - Check out the ARCHIVES section for some added artwork and comixxx

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9/21/14 - Sleazy night full of BONE BREAKIN' METAL at the Handy Slut Bar & Grill!!! Bands had names like...
WITCHVOMIT
NEKRO DRUNKZ
MANIAK
TORTURE RACK
For more pics check out (Castallian Photography)


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9/17/14 - Here's some flyers to jerk off too.

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9/12/14 - The next release lineup is a really smelly one.  We'll let you know when the shits in the mail...
Infester - Darkness Unveiled cassette (remastered)
Bloodfreak - Squalor Cassette version of new album
El Duce - Slave To Thy Master CD
Sakrificer - Relentless Torment Cassette version 
Prowler - Prowling Death Squad cassette W/ bonus tracks
Skullsplitter - Sign Of The Bastard cassette version 
Victims Of Internal Decay - S/t cassette version 
Grim Raper - 2nd full length album

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9/11/14 - WhhoaaaWHOOAAA, it's been a month without updates. What the HELL!!!? Well let me get those brown stained pink panties out of a twist for ya.  We here at the Headsplit blockhouse have been real busy-like updating our online store, accumulating the goods for the distro and getting ready for the new releases that will be revealed soon.


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8/8/14 - GET SOME
Fuck her right in the pussy Fred

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7/22/14 - New Headsplit shirts are in with sick Fukitor art, grab these babies while you can.
$15 Free Shipping in the US

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7/19/14 - The mighty Thor and Disgustor keeping it heavy.

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7/7/14 - After a SHOCKING and EXCITING weekend filled with shows and some needed R&R. We have sent in the order for the new Headplit shirts with the FUKITOR art.  Preorder by email NOW. Check the MERCH section to see an sexample! Here's Siki and some chick with toilet reading material.
Headsplit in the flesh

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6/28/14 - As you sloth COCKS already know it's time for HEADSPLIT MAG 4!!!! Oh let me tell you, this one's easily the best yet, killer bands, deranged articles, sick art, tits, blah blah BLAHHH!!!!!  Get this turd tissue now for all your bathroom activity. On sale at all the usual joints this Saturday for $4, or you can get your greasy mits on one earlier Friday July 4th at BLACK DEATH!!!! for $3

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5/1/14 - The site is undergoing kuntstruktion for a new shopping cart option.   So it'll be easier for you hillbilly bastards to get your Headsplit treatments.

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4/15/14 - New interviews from the zine, releases, and other cheap thrills have been added-I-

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4/12/14 - Tomas Stench and Disgustor keeping it fukkin nasty.

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4/10/14 - TOHHHH YEEEAHH!!! Issue #3 is here and ready to crack open your skull and sip up your weak brain matter.  As usual we have gotten bigger, harder and longer lasting material.  It will be distrubuted to the usual joints on 4/13/14 (Blackwater Records, Sandy Everyday Music, 2nd ave Records, FWC in Chinatown, and Powells) but you can get your early copy for $3 at all Headsplit Present's shows. So keep your eyes peeled and your tits perky. Ya goddamn squirrel erections...

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3/22/14 - What can we say about this unholy tour? it pretty much speaks for itself, but you can probably expect to get some graveyard dirt on your dick.

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2/22/14 - Just a reminder to send in your reviews, interviews and goddamn mental opinions in for issue #3!!!

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2/21/14 - Headsplit's proud to announce that it has joined forces with Extractor Studios! If your band needs killer recordings for one of the best deals in town, shoot us a line! 

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2/20/14 - You probably want to get to this show.  It'll make a man outta you yet, even if you're a chick!!!

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1/29/14 - Well FAMINE FEST is done and over until next year.  Great job to Chris Nukala for putting that shit on!!! and thanks to all who supported Headsplit Mobile Command.  Enjoy your shirts and Ltd. EXTRA BLACK versions of Headsplit Magazine #2!!! As usual if you want the shit check out our new Merch section and cuntact ass.

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1/10/14 - After a new years of hard drinking, partying, shows, strip clubs, fucking and barfing.  We remembered it was time to get back to business, time to bring you rhino faced bastards a mouthful of the biggest shit sandwhich we've ever conjured up.  Headsplit Magazine #2!!! This baby is loaded with goods... Available at Blackwater Records, Sandy Everyday Music, 2nd ave Records, FWC(Chinatown), Powells, Headsplit Mobile Command...

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12/8/13 - The HSR Releases page has been updated, the ones that aren't on there are lost in the pits and will be found in time..

::Out Next::

Mentors - To The Max (1st ever time on cassette - will include poster and sticker probably

Bludgeon - Gun Man (old school Portland Oregon thrash metal demo from 1990)

Lord Gore - Dark Lords Of The Cyst demo reissue

Savior - Brutal Tradition cassette

Skullsplitter album first time on cassette for this out of print cd

Sadistik Exekution - Live In Selinas 1991 cassette

Cemetery Lust - Screams Of The Violated & Orgies Of Abomination cassette versions

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12/1/13 - Hey ya salamander buttholes, we want to see your reviews on any new releases you think need attention.  With your spermissions it will be in Headsplit Magazine #2!!!

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11/28/13The dawn of 2014 is upon us, and we got a fat load of goods in store for YOU HEADSPLIT FAN FUKKKS!!! New merch, magazine #2, various Headsplit unleashings, sexual advice, Uncle Drokkers Secret Chili, and raw pterodactyl porn!!! stay pooned..

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11/3/13 - If you wanna put some hair on you balls or twat, you best show up here!!!VVV